I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
