well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
