when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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