I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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