I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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