Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
