I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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