third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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