Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
