Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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