marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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