Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
