Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
