I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
