So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
