Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
