my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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