I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
