All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think I just sharted jello shots
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