Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He felt like a one man threesome
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
