dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
