actually, I'm a sock model
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
