It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
