Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
