Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
birth control should be required to get into college
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
