He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
