he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
