that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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