thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
