perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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