Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
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I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
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I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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