she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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