Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to