How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
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I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?