The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
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And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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