i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen