elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
