dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
