Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So here I am, sexting at work.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
