So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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