In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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