fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
