you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
