just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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