Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
