3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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