i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
