I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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