the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
