I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
