if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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