I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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