I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
