Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
