i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
