It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
