I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Randomize
