I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
