Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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