There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
