4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
