She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
