it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
