things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
