Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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