I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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