Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
