She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
